Booburt Ate My Wallet

Blü (AKA "Booburt" because it further emphasizes her dimwitted nature) is getting older. She's 2-and-a-half. So she's grown out of jumping up on people. She doesn't eat cigarette butts off the sidewalk. And she even has stopped yanking my arm out of the socket when we walk. So why can't she leave our stuff alone when we're not looking? We try to keep the place "Booburt-proof". We've even tried putting mousetraps on the counters. But that only ever worked on us.

Anyway, she ate my wallet. It's not the first time. In fact I think it's the third or fourth time. We came home from grocery shopping (one hour max) and caught her in the act. She ate the leather wallet clean. She was on to the cards. My new Utah license was missing it's lower right corner. I can't fly home for the wedding like that so I had to have that replaced immediately. All my credit cards are surgically defaced and virtually unswipeable. And the $20 bill? GONE. Once upon a time at the beach house in Kennebunk, Blü swiped a $1 bill from the kitchen table. Surely, it smelled interesting given all the previous handlers. But she's so maniacal about her deviant acts that she often swallows these things whole, to dispose of the evidence as quickly as possible. Anyway, it came out on the beach a few hours later. My dog was finally paying off like a slot machine. Now, this was just $1. People hear that and immediately ask how much it would take for me to "rescue" my hard-earned money. My answer USED TO BE $20. But as tight as money is right now (no punn intended) we're not on the beach. And I'm not that desperate.

So after a day of ignoring her, (which works better that scolding her) she finally paid back her loan this morning. Although surprisingly, it didn't come back in the "denomination" we might have expected. Instead, she hacked it up on the carpet, along with the wallet. The wallet was destroyed. But the cash? Mostly in tact. And after a hot rinse and some scotch tape, it's ready to re-enter circulation.

The moral of this story: Don't borrow cash from me. You don't know where it's been.